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Ann Rose
Member since Apr-22-04
542 posts |
Aug-31-10, 10:26 AM (CST) |
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"Need advice on an elderly mother."
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My Mom was 90 yesterday and is still in pretty good health. She lives at home with my Dad and they are fairly independent. Last Sunday I had a party for about 30 people,cousins, nieces,etc. It was a very nice party--great food and drink, nobody got into a fight (discussed politics)and the weather was lovely. She got a lot of nice gifts and everyone told her she looked great. The problem? Yesterday I called her and she says she's depressed and not feeling well. I guess I'm being selfish but I thought by giving her the party and showing her how much everyone loved her she'd have good spirits. I think the not feeishe's not feeling well because she drank 3 glasses of sangria. She says she can't get over how old she is and I guess she's worried about dying. Is there any advice you guys could give me on how to cheer her up? Is it just a function of the birthday? She is active, lives a few blocks from her sister with whom she is very close, visit her at least weekly. I know she can't get around like she used to but for 90 she's doing great, in my opinion. |
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halibev
Member since Jun-27-07
2231 posts |
Aug-31-10, 08:41 PM (CST) |
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2. "RE: Need advice on an elderly mother."
In response to message #0
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I agree with Tracey, keep on eye on her but I think she will be okay. From my own experience with my parents --Mom and Dad would be fine and in good spirits with company around them but as soon as everyone was gone they would have some ailment. I would actually get mad in the beginning since I was the primary care giver and could not believe that in a couple of hours they were sick. It's a common thing with the elderly and just be patient. Hali Queens(1 of the 5 Borough's of New York City) |
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Patricia G
Member since Aug-9-05
1811 posts |
Sep-01-10, 03:00 PM (CST) |
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5. "RE: Need advice on an elderly mother."
In response to message #0
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I've given this one a lot of thought. I've been primary caregiver for my parents (now just Mom) for 22 years. Sometimes we need to adjust our own expectations. We don't wish for excessive longievity for our frail elderly parents, all we want is for them to be happy, right? I've come to realize that not only isn't a realistic expectation, but it denies them some of their humanity and what independence they still have; the right to their own emotions. Now, I'm not talking about someone who has a clinical depression, but someone of any age experiencing the ups and downs of being alive. A corollary of this is the expectation that we don't want to do anything that might cause them distress. Again, would we treat anyone else in the family that way? We have no hesitation making a four year furious because we impose our better judgement. With our frail elderly parents we also have to impose upon them at times for the good of the bigger picture. Currently, my Mom sits in her electronic lift chair for hours at a time coming up with crazy schemes and saving multitudes of newspaper articles to mail to everyone in the family. Of course, she needs me to be the one to carry out these schemes and mass mailings. I'm working on a gratitude that she is still connected enough to life to occassionally drive me nuts! Patricia G |
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