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KJ O
Member since Sep-7-07
1642 posts |
Aug-31-10, 10:15 AM (CST) |
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"what would you do ?"
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My next door neighbor Allison likes to walk our dog Jane. She comes over and gets her every morning. It's sorta like rent -a-dog. A couple of weeks ago I was leaving for church and Allison came running out of her house to catch me cause she wanted to get Jane. I was late so I told her the code to my garage and told her to just go get Jane herself... Well. Now she comes over every day and lets herself into my house whether I am home or not and walks in and gets the dog. SO ANNOYING. I do not feel comfortable with this at all ! I started locking the house door so she opens up the garage and then can't get into the house. This isn't going to work because Allison will get her feelings hurt and be upset with us and won't talk to us and won't walk Jane, nobody wants this to happen. The door locking bit has gone on about 3 days now and I'm pretty sure the damage is already done. I can't find the diplomatic words... What do I say ? She is very sensitive, and sweet but not most socially perceptive gal around. There are stairs Allison could use to get Jane, but she won't because the stairs are metal grid stairs you can see through and Jane is terrified of them (remember we haven't been in the house long). Allison isn't comfortable making Jane use the stairs, and won't take the time. I would prefer Jane start using the stairs (she needs to get over it already).... but feel like it's a lot to ask of Allison when Jane is so difficult. Basically Jane is in charge when it comes to these two. Nothing I can say or do will change this though, Allison is who she is. God help us all. The last thing in the world I want is to have awkward feelings with the only neighbors I have, but also can't have her waltzing in whenever she pleases.... HELP ! Jeanna
Southern New Mexico |
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hopeful soul
Member since Nov-23-05
10559 posts |
Aug-31-10, 02:59 PM (CST) |
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3. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #0
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We’ve had similar problems. My parent’s house has keyless locks, so you have to punch in a code to get in. My mother told a few of her siblings along with some of my cousins the password to the house. The problem is now that my relatives let themselves into our home whenever they want, even when we’re not there. In fact, my mum once got home and got this really creepy feeling that someone had broken in and it wasn’t until later that her sister confessed to dropping by to catch her favourite soaps on tv (she was in our neighbourhood when her show started, so instead of going back to her place she came to ours). We had to set boundaries. IMHO, talk to Allison. You could tell her that your concern is not that she lets herself in without asking you, because you trust her, but rather that sometimes you can’t tell if it’s her or if it’s a burglar. Plus there’s the issue of locking up: if you’re not aware that she has let herself in and left with Jane for a walk, but let’s say one day she forgets to lock up behind her, and you weren’t home to ensure that everything is ok, then burglars or attackers could break in. Accidents do happen and the only way to circumvent it is to ensure that people know where you are at all times, if you’re coming and going. If you make the issue not about her but about something external like safety, she may not take it so personally. Tell her that you love having her part of your extended family and that you really appreciate her help with Jane, remind her that you wouldn’t trust a member of your family to just anyone, and it might help to give her a little thank you gift for her efforts. As sensitive as she is, you also have the right to your privacy and safety.
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KJ O
Member since Sep-7-07
1642 posts |
Aug-31-10, 04:36 PM (CST) |
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4. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #3
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lots of good ideas thanks girls - Amal I like your line of thinking. and the plot thickens.... DH saw Allison walking this morning sans Jane and pulled over to talk to her. She was sobbing. (insert eye roll) and bless his sweet little heart he calmed her down by blaming it all on me. He told her that she has to realize I am hormonal and a little coo coo right now due to the pregnancy, that we love her and appreciate that she is so willing to walk Jane and we love being their neighbors yada yada. He said the reason I locked the door is because she startled me the other day and I got a little freaked out and that I would call her and talk to her about a new plan. Oh geesh, I'm not sure how I feel about being portrayed as the unstable crazy neighbor but as long as she isn't mad whatever. I called the flower shop and am having flowers delivered, still haven't decided what to do about how she is going to get Jane in the mornings... but there is a little progress, I highly doubt she will walk in on us or in our house when we're not home again anytime soon. Jeanna
Southern New Mexico |
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KJ O
Member since Sep-7-07
1642 posts |
Sep-01-10, 00:00 AM (CST) |
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6. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #5
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Allison is a full grown adult. She is in her 60"s. She's just special. Jeanna
Southern New Mexico |
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JudyG
Member since May-4-04
1352 posts |
Sep-01-10, 11:30 AM (CST) |
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11. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #6
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"special" that way "special" ? If she an older person with some mental deficiency, I could see this might be difficult and problematic. Otherwise, since now I know how old she is and likely "special" then I think I'd suck it up being called hormonal and pg. She honestly means well and just the explanation of being spooked should be enough for her to understand. |
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KJ O
Member since Sep-7-07
1642 posts |
Sep-02-10, 01:38 AM (CST) |
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12. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #10
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I have never discussed Allison's mental wellness with her, I have no idea what her limitations are. I would assume she is as capable as the next person just overly sensitive. I don't hold this against her, but do take it into account when approaching her with my concerns. The reason I don't tell her to kiss off is because she has been a good friend and neighbor to me and I refuse to burn any bridges with her because of a miscommunication. Yes, she is crossing the line by walking into my house. However, this is not a reason to dismiss her entirely if I did that with every person whoever pushed my buttons or inappropriately invaded my space I would be a sad lonely person. This woman lives next door to me on top of a mtn with no other neighbors around as in for probably about a mile or so, we look out for one another. If I can't make things work with 1 neighbor what does that say about me ? I definately should have never given her the code and I sensed that even before the words left my mouth.... I knew it had disaster written all over it. You know what they say about hind sight. Jeanna
Southern New Mexico |
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enorden07
Member since Jun-25-10
255 posts |
Sep-03-10, 06:57 PM (CST) |
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14. "RE: what would you do ?"
In response to message #0
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She sounds identical to my 12 year old cousin. I think my cousin has some sort of social problem and an EXTREME confidence, sensitivity, and just over all common sense problem. She got a facebook a couple of months ago and she Instand Messages me literally a minute after I get online EVERY time. I have told her repeatedly that it is okay to talk to me, but when I am busy - which is often - I cannot talk.
Then I told her that if it is an emergancy, like something went wrong in the family or she is having emotional problems with school and friends, she could leave me a message and I would answer it when I had time.
My phone is hooked up to fb because I like it that way, and she will constantly message me when I am not online. I told her that the message box was for emergancies only, because I cannot keep on getting all of these really pointless messages that say, "My dog farted." "I am SOOOOO BORED!" "My dad is talking about your dad again."
I don't want to tell her the truth, that I honestly do not care and wished that she just stopped talking to me. Sometimes we have really nice conversations about things and I give her "big girl" advice that my aunt should be giving her. I'm only 17, how much could I know about my aunt's daughter who lives in northern Kansas.
When I try to tell her that she needs to stop and leave me to my work, she freaks out and says, "well I will just delete you then. is that what you want?!" ...and sometimes I will tell her hoenstly (because she tells me to) why I think her friends acted a certain way and how she can benefit from it or grow from her mistakes and she will say that I hurt her feelings and that she might commit suicide.
....some SERIOUS psychological problems in that child's mind. All I am trying to do is be nice and helpful and...gosh sometimes I just want to scream, "leave me alone!! I'm not your mother!! don't tell me gross details about your period! ...and don't freak out on me when I tell you to stop sending me texts that annoy the hell out of me!!" *rips out hair* ....I completely get your situation. ..except yours is worse..you actually have to deal with this person everyday. ...Just do what everyone else says, because I don't think I can add on any more advice. lol I don't even know how to handle little miss drama queen who needs to pull on her big girl pants and grow some. Emily
(From Wichita) |
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